The Litany

[fabrisse]

MOM:
Mom had a stroke. Among other things, that means she has balance issues. Most of the time she won't use a cane because "it makes me look old." Mom's 88.

On the plus side, I managed to get her to walk outdoors for about 15 minutes twice last week. For that she'll use the walker that she has, but she doesn't want the neighbors to see her.

Much of the time, my soignee mother is, these days, walking around the house in a t-shirt and a diaper. Why yes, we do have a glass front door.

I'm cooking, which I don't mind. But I'm also doing the laundry, taking care of the dishes, and picking up after the dogs if they have an accident. We have a maid service that comes in once a week for the heavy duty housework, thank heavens, but it still feels like a burden. Especially when I have to clean some of Mom's undergarments.

I know that a stroke means she has certain memory issues, but I don't feel safe leaving Mom to have her fortnightly nurse's check or weekly PT on her own. It's not that I don't trust them. It's that I can't trust Mom to remember things they need to know -- like whether she's fallen -- if I'm not there to be the family's external storage drive.

Mom also complains that I'm a tattletale or correct her too much. If she's forgetting to tell the doctor something, I will interject. It's worse if, as she's implying, she might be deliberately hiding some of her problems from them.

DOGS:
The dogs are cute and fluffy, but even though we have a backyard so they don't need to be walked daily, they are work.

I'm the only one who remembers to feed them. Nicky has decided that I'm his human, so he'll cry if I'm not petting him when he's next to me. No matter that I'm using the remote to change the channel or playing a game on my phone, my hands are to be used for petting.

Both dogs sleep with me. I'm the one who gets up in the night if they need to go downstairs and out of doors. They also snore. My sleep is shot at the moment for a great many reasons, but snoring dogs are among them.

It wasn't so bad when Nora slept with Sis, but it's exhausting.

LASTLY:
I'm not a suburban person. I have no goals to walk toward. The closest Farmer's Market -- which I still haven't been to -- is 15 miles away in Savannah proper. The closest grocery store is 4 miles away. I'm driving so much. I don't like driving, though on the plus side I get to listen to the jazz station on Sirius rather than Mom's favorite, Joel Osteen.

None of this is really that much. I know not having found work I can do from home is at least part of the problem.

But right now, I feel pretty ground down

Comments

[goss]

Sending good thoughts your way. *hugs*

[fabrisse]

Thank you. I'm glad I know you.

[dewline]

One thing I think is making using a walker easier for my mother to do in the home is seeing me use a cane she got me a few years ago for my own exercise purposes after twisting my ankle once.

[fabrisse]

I've been on a cane off and on since I was 33. 4 years ago my friends took me aside and said "you fall too much." Seriously, I use a cane daily. Sadly, Mom doesn't see why she should -- in spite of falls which made her bleed -- because she "doesn't need one.". Her doctors have begged her to use it. The visiting nurses beg her to use it.

Still, if Mom wasn't just being stubborn, your idea was a good one.

[siderea]

Oh, dear. Is there any way to mitigate the dogs snoring problem? Getting proper sleep is so important.

I know that a stroke means she has certain memory issues, but I don't feel safe leaving Mom to have her fortnightly nurse's check or weekly PT on her own. It's not that I don't trust them. It's that I can't trust Mom to remember things they need to know -- like whether she's fallen -- if I'm not there to be the family's external storage drive.

Mom also complains that I'm a tattletale or correct her too much. If she's forgetting to tell the doctor something, I will interject. It's worse if, as she's implying, she might be deliberately hiding some of her problems from them.

There's, like, zero chance she's NOT trying to conceal things from her treaters. First of all everybody lies to their treaters. In the words of my psychopathology professor, "Patients lie. Haven't any of you people seen House?" Second and third, proud and elderly are each independently multipliers on the tendency.

Actual conversation between me and D in front of her geropsychiatrist:

Me: The doctor's saying she wants you off this medication because it could make you fall.

D: I don't fall! I've never fallen!

Me: *momentarily speechless* ...That would be so much more convincing coming from someone without a natty forehead scar from face-planting in Stop and Shop. How many stitches was that?

D was not very pleased with me for saying that in front of one of her doctors. (Like the ER visit wasn't right therein the EHR!)

Which is why I demanded her treaters provide us with a way of getting them important info in writing before meeting with her. Some of them had a MyChart set-up and I would use it to email them in advance of her appointments. That way I didn't have to be available to every one of her medical appointments. Might something like that be a help?

[fabrisse]

It could be helpful. The folks cardiologist in L.A. had a system like that. Sis and I managed to bring him current on some of Mom's complaints that we knew she wouldn't mention before appointments.

I'm not certain Savannah is sufficiently sophisticated,but it's worth checking into.

[fabrisse]

You'll be happy to know that the dogs have vet's appointments tomorrow for their Bordatella boosters and the Vet has agreed to check their sinuses.

"...sleep is shot at the moment"

[kathmandu]

On the sleep front, I've found that milk-thistle supplements help lift the burden of fatigue. It's not a sleep aid: it's an aid for when you are not getting enough sleep, so you can keep going anyway. Milk thistle improves liver function, and in me that means more alertness and less of the headache and the general malaise of being chronically sleep-deprived.

Sympathies on the being geographically isolated on top of everything else.

Re: "...sleep is shot at the moment"

[fabrisse]

I'll try it. Thank you.

How does it taste?

Re: "...sleep is shot at the moment"

[kathmandu]

I've always gotten it as gel-caps enclosing the dried shredded plant material, so it tastes like plain gelatin. I think I might have opened one once ...vaguely straw-like taste.

Re: "...sleep is shot at the moment"

[fabrisse]

I got some in today's instacart order and have taken my first one. Since it's not a sleep aid, I assume taking it with my other pills in the morning or early afternoon should be okay? If you have any advice on timing, please share it. I'll keep you apprised on whether it helps.

Re: "...sleep is shot at the moment"

[kathmandu]

Any time of day should be fine. I think if I take them in the late morning, I feel a bit better that afternoon and evening. But I usually take them in the evening, and they still help a lot in lifting the headache and malaise and slowness and un-alertness that would otherwise be so prominent.

The gelcaps I take are 300mg per capsule, of 80% silymarin, for dose reference. One per day of that size is plenty.

Crossing my fingers it will help you.