fabrisse

MOM:
Mom had a stroke. Among other things, that means she has balance issues. Most of the time she won't use a cane because "it makes me look old." Mom's 88.

On the plus side, I managed to get her to walk outdoors for about 15 minutes twice last week. For that she'll use the walker that she has, but she doesn't want the neighbors to see her.

Much of the time, my soignee mother is, these days, walking around the house in a t-shirt and a diaper. Why yes, we do have a glass front door.

I'm cooking, which I don't mind. But I'm also doing the laundry, taking care of the dishes, and picking up after the dogs if they have an accident. We have a maid service that comes in once a week for the heavy duty housework, thank heavens, but it still feels like a burden. Especially when I have to clean some of Mom's undergarments.

I know that a stroke means she has certain memory issues, but I don't feel safe leaving Mom to have her fortnightly nurse's check or weekly PT on her own. It's not that I don't trust them. It's that I can't trust Mom to remember things they need to know -- like whether she's fallen -- if I'm not there to be the family's external storage drive.

Mom also complains that I'm a tattletale or correct her too much. If she's forgetting to tell the doctor something, I will interject. It's worse if, as she's implying, she might be deliberately hiding some of her problems from them.

DOGS:
The dogs are cute and fluffy, but even though we have a backyard so they don't need to be walked daily, they are work.

I'm the only one who remembers to feed them. Nicky has decided that I'm his human, so he'll cry if I'm not petting him when he's next to me. No matter that I'm using the remote to change the channel or playing a game on my phone, my hands are to be used for petting.

Both dogs sleep with me. I'm the one who gets up in the night if they need to go downstairs and out of doors. They also snore. My sleep is shot at the moment for a great many reasons, but snoring dogs are among them.

It wasn't so bad when Nora slept with Sis, but it's exhausting.

LASTLY:
I'm not a suburban person. I have no goals to walk toward. The closest Farmer's Market -- which I still haven't been to -- is 15 miles away in Savannah proper. The closest grocery store is 4 miles away. I'm driving so much. I don't like driving, though on the plus side I get to listen to the jazz station on Sirius rather than Mom's favorite, Joel Osteen.

None of this is really that much. I know not having found work I can do from home is at least part of the problem.

But right now, I feel pretty ground down

I have a bone riser (a condition that occurs prior to a stress fracture) on my left fifth metatarsal that is causing me considerable pain.

I have a hot, heavy protective boot to wear. Since I still am recovering from the sprain on my right ankle, I'm in a brace, but bone riser takes precedence for which side I use the cane on. To give you an idea of the pain level, wearing the hot, heavy boot on a day with high humidity felt soooo good compared to the pain without it.

I can't take anti-inflamatories as they might interfere with bone healing. I can't walk beyond absolute necessity (take the bus a block from my house rather than get my half mile walk to the metro, etc.) for 3 weeks. The boot is so thick that I, who wear sandals in the winter, have to wear a thick soled close toed shoe with it.

Aargh!