Still Mom

[fabrisse]

Sis is with Mom right now. I've come home for the fortnightly family Zoom call. Mom's there at least one more day, which means Sis will be teaching tomorrow and I'll be the one in the hospital with her.

The nurse tried to tell me, essentially, that it was our fault that we hadn't spoken to Mom's doctors. They'd apparently come by around 8:30 this morning. I pointed out that we'd been there for seven hours yesterday, constantly told the hospitalist and the doctors would be coming by and they never did. We were told that someone would call us with an update after the doctors had seen her and no one did. I could have stayed another half hour with them, but my temper was getting the better of me.

A close friend of my sister's suggested we talk to the social worker to see what Mom is eligible for in the way of personal attention from Medicare. I just need someone to check on her while I'm teaching next week. Seriously, someone coming by for an hour is it. If we can get a student to do it, that's fine.

The biggest problem may be dietary adjustments. I can cook to any diet. No question. Getting Mom to actually eat a low sodium, low cholesterol diet is another matter. She makes faces when I suggest green vegetables. She won't eat any kind of bread without butter, ditto potatoes. Like me, she abhors margarine. Unlike me, she doesn't think that olive oil tastes great and works as well.

I like to cook. I don't mind adapting recipes. But being told things don't taste right because there's not enough salt -- which has already happened -- in not conducive to my blood pressure staying steady.

I may need a rah-rah week next week. The goal is to meditate for at least 10 minutes and take one twenty minute walk a day, with or without dogs. My sanity and good health have to stay intact.

Comments

[goss]

Sending love and strength to you. *hugs*

[fabrisse]

Thank you. *hugs*

[mecurtin]

TBH -- I don't know how much of the "eat healthy" schtick you're going to get is worthwhile for your mom.

She's made it to *91* on a supposedly "unhealthy" diet. Congratulations, you have good genes, and that's the biggest single factor.

Making a big change to her diet NOW simply *cannot* buy her that many more years of life. It's not worth it if it raises stress levels in the house like this.

I'm not saying the whole Heart-Healthy Diet thing is a scam, completely -- but it has many placebo-like factors. A stressful placebo isn't worth it.

If she's being put on HBP medicine for the first time, I can advise from personal experience that she needs to cut out very high-salt foods (like potato chips or a lot of fast food), because you can end up getting a "salt hangover" from them. Reducing the salt you use for cooking and letting her put *some* salt on top, where she can taste it, can lead to less salt overall. Also using spice mixes, etc.

Similarly, a *little* bit of butter, on top where you can taste it, is ok, just not as much butter throughout the food.

Things that make her happy and make your life easy are the most important thing, not following the current orthopraxia.

It might be a good idea for you to schedule calls/texts/zooms with me/neotoma/etc on evenings this week, so you have things to look forward to, lest you go mad, mad I tell you!

[fabrisse]

It's a good point. We are relatively low sodium anyway. I don't add salt when cooking. I do worry about the butter a bit, but some of it is I know that I feel better using olive oil rather than butter. I just need to assert myself about what's right for me.

[mecurtin]

My experience comes from Dirk's heart attack & bypass operation when he was 63. We were ALREADY low salt, not terribly high fat, low sugar diet, LOTS of veg & fruits & whole grains, he's an athlete -- but he had a heart attack (while fencing, of course), and then they went through this whole "learn about heart-healthy diets" song & dance. I exploded at the docs and said, WTF?!?, and they sheepishly admitted that diet really isn't that big a part of it, it's MOSTLY genetics (and smoking, & he never smoked). And his father's heart was crap.

Your mom doesn't need to make lifestyle changes for marginal benefit, it's not worth the strain on ANYONE. Focus on what can keep the stress levels for the whole household as low as possible, and remember to put one your own oxygen mask first.

[siderea]

Is there some reason you need Medicare to pay for it? If your mother's financial situation permits it, you can just hire privately. There are home health care aide services; presumably such a thing exists where you are.

[fabrisse]

Mom was hacked again, so we're missing some pension checks. If we have to go private, we can, but it would be easier -- this month -- if Medicare could cover it.