Moving

[fabrisse]

There's an article in today's New York Times which maybe found here:

New York Times Article

I want to read the full article and not just someone else's gloss, but this is a huge thing for me.

I am 49 years old. If I don't count little moves -- moves within the same city made for financial or other purposes -- I have moved 22 times, 9 of those were before fourth grade. When people wonder why my relationship with my parents is a little odd, this is a factor. My nuclear family was literally the only point of stability in my life. No matter how bad the relationship got, it was the only thing I could latch onto.

The Times article says, it's not as bad for military brats because the military eases the transition. I don't know whether that's true now, but the only word for it for the first 23 years of my life is bullshit. With two exceptions, the moves to London when I was six and to Brussels when I was seventeen, we were given under a month to prepare for the move. My mother's organization and neatness made it possible. In several cases, including my first move when I was ten days old, we were given a week -- that's right seven days -- to move from one state to another.

Had my father's military career been more typical, that might still have been relatively simple, but after that first move, we never once lived on base. This was not our choice; we were never offered base housing as my father was military intelligence. This also meant, that other than DoD schools in England and Belgium, I never attended a school where most of the kids were in the same boat as I was. It's not so bad constantly being the new kid, if half the class in any given year is new with you, at least according to anecdotal reports from people who did go to base or other DoD schools for most of their elementary - high school careers.

siderea, Lucy, the Professor, bryttan, Snow, eanja, jerminating, gileswench, and many others have all helped me form more stable friendships as an adult. LJ itself gave me a way to put my family into perspective when I returned to California, which helped me more than I can ever repay.

But I will always feel fractured, no matter how well I remember my own past. Would I trade the chances to travel and see the world that I've had for a more stable life? I honestly don't know. I like the life I have now, but I am aware of things missing that I longed for. I know I have a wider perspective for having lived the life I have, but emotional roots and a sense of having somewhere to belong might have been nice.

Comments

[eanja]

I wonder if email and the internet make this any easier for kids nowadays? Patrick (who's nowhere near your level, but moved at least 9 times in 13 years and has been in 8 schools in 9 years) is still in touch at least sporadically with classmates he moved away from several years ago. It's not the same thing as being in contact, but it seems like it might makes thing a lot easier. Of course, he's also fairly extraverted, which helps hugely (as the article notes).

(I also moved a fair bit when I was quite young, but we stopped before I was old enough for it to matter much, I think. Plus I think having a twin very much insulated me, as I didn't have as much need for outside companionship when I was in grade school.)

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

I think the fact that, for the most part, internet access is the norm these days does help. I think the State Department kids, who generally came back to the same house every four years, also had it somewhat easier.