email compromised

I've reported it to Hotmail. I'm running virus and other scans.

My deepest apologies.

I tutor 6th Grade girls...

which means I know more about the Twilight 'verse than I even wanted or needed to.

Most of this has been made tolerable by the awesome snark/LDS exegesis by stoney321 -- click on her Sparkle! tag if you would like to read it.

But today, I found Eric D. Snider's "Rejected Script for New Moon" which includes this priceless exchange:

EDWARD: Bella, you're bleeding!
BELLA: Look, just because I'm in a grumpy mood doesn't mean you can blame it on --
EDWARD: No, you have a paper cut!
BELLA: Oh. That.
EDWARD: Let me get you a Band-Aid.
BELLA: Jasper, why are you pouring salt and pepper on me?
JASPER: Um, because you're bland? Hello?
EDWARD: Jasper! Do not eat my girlfriend!
BELLA: (thinking) Dear diary: Today Edward finally called me his girlfriend!!

I'm laughing far too hard. *G*