I tutor 6th Grade girls...

[fabrisse]

which means I know more about the Twilight 'verse than I even wanted or needed to.

Most of this has been made tolerable by the awesome snark/LDS exegesis by stoney321 -- click on her Sparkle! tag if you would like to read it.

But today, I found Eric D. Snider's "Rejected Script for New Moon" which includes this priceless exchange:

EDWARD: Bella, you're bleeding!
BELLA: Look, just because I'm in a grumpy mood doesn't mean you can blame it on --
EDWARD: No, you have a paper cut!
BELLA: Oh. That.
EDWARD: Let me get you a Band-Aid.
BELLA: Jasper, why are you pouring salt and pepper on me?
JASPER: Um, because you're bland? Hello?
EDWARD: Jasper! Do not eat my girlfriend!
BELLA: (thinking) Dear diary: Today Edward finally called me his girlfriend!!

I'm laughing far too hard. *G*

Comments

[daylyn.livejournal.com]

Okay, that's far better writing that the actual stories (I've only managed to stomach make it through two of the books. From what I've heard, I'm not really feeling encouraged to continue).

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

No, don't, but do read Stoney's stuff. It's hilarious.

[wadjet-theperv.livejournal.com]

Too funny!!! I must relate it to my eldest daughter, she'll probably faint from indignation LOL

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

*snicker*

I didn't enjoy the book much. I only know the later sequels through Stoney's cracked view. On the plus side, I turned a sixth grader onto Shakespeare by promising to read "Twilight" if she watched "Romeo + Juliet."

[aizjanika.livejournal.com]

hehe I don't know much about it, but I know enough to see that as hilarious. :)

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

For me, it's the salt and pepper that makes it art. *G*

[riverfox.livejournal.com]

Oh Dear God in Heaven.

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

No. I don't think He had anything to do with Twilight. *G*

[riverfox.livejournal.com]

LOL! No, but those cheeky Fates are having a good laugh. ;)