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PSA for Tourists
Jul. 15th, 2008 05:33 pmDear Tourists,
There are only a few cities in the United States where people can ride trains under the streets of the city. Washington DC may have the first metro you've ever seen. I can appreciate that.
Here are a few tips that will keep you and your children from being strapped to the third rail by an angry mob.
1) On the escalators, please stand to your right and walk to your left. If, like me, you have a hard time telling your right from your left, assume that the right is the side where you see people standing.
2) You're new in town; we understand that. Washingtonians tend to be friendly and helpful, so you can ask questions like whether you're on the right platform or at the right stop for the Air and Space Museum. However, we prefer that you ask these questions some place other than at the foot of the escalator at rush hour. Ask your question, but, please, stop and look at your map out of the flow of traffic.
3) Be aware of what Justin is up to. I don't know why every misbehaving ten year old I see is named Justin. I just know that every time I see a boy between the ages of six and twelve misbehaving, I will hear a shouted or hissed, "Justin, you stop that right this minute!" Among the things Justin has done: run down the escalator and then blocked the bottom by using it as a stairmaster. Waited until the train doors opened and then tried to touch both sides of the doorway blocking the traffic in both directions. Repeatedly fed his ticket into the turnstile blocking the only exit lane at a stop. Kicked the back of my chair from King Street to Gallery Place (about 9 stops) in spite of increasingly less polite requests that he refrain from doing so.
4) Be aware that the people around you speak English. Yes, the black population of Nebraska is negligible. The time to comment about how many black people there are in DC is in the privacy of your hotel room. Doing it on a Metro platform is, in the Terry Pratchett sense, a form of suicide. Points are deducted for being surprised that many of them are well dressed and seem to hold white collar jobs.
5) Washington in the summer is hot and humid. Being underground does not decrease either the heat or the humidity. We know the platforms aren't air conditioned. They're also not heated in the winter. Commenting on it helps no one.
6) There is no "Smithsonian Museum" in the sense of a single building. The Smithsonian is a huge complex incorporating ten buildings on the mall plus four museums in other parts of Washington and a branch of the Air and Space museum near Dulles airport. Those are just the parts close by. When you ask us, "Where's the Smithsonian Museum?" we'll probably ask you which one. Some of us are nice and will start to list branches when you look blank. But at some point, you should pick one. Don't try to get a consensus from your three kids and grandma while you're asking for directions. Pick a branch, get the directions, and hash it out later.
7) Don't stop dead in front of the exit turnstiles and wonder if this is where you want to be. Get out of the way to have your existential crisis.
Have a great vacation,
Fabi
There are only a few cities in the United States where people can ride trains under the streets of the city. Washington DC may have the first metro you've ever seen. I can appreciate that.
Here are a few tips that will keep you and your children from being strapped to the third rail by an angry mob.
1) On the escalators, please stand to your right and walk to your left. If, like me, you have a hard time telling your right from your left, assume that the right is the side where you see people standing.
2) You're new in town; we understand that. Washingtonians tend to be friendly and helpful, so you can ask questions like whether you're on the right platform or at the right stop for the Air and Space Museum. However, we prefer that you ask these questions some place other than at the foot of the escalator at rush hour. Ask your question, but, please, stop and look at your map out of the flow of traffic.
3) Be aware of what Justin is up to. I don't know why every misbehaving ten year old I see is named Justin. I just know that every time I see a boy between the ages of six and twelve misbehaving, I will hear a shouted or hissed, "Justin, you stop that right this minute!" Among the things Justin has done: run down the escalator and then blocked the bottom by using it as a stairmaster. Waited until the train doors opened and then tried to touch both sides of the doorway blocking the traffic in both directions. Repeatedly fed his ticket into the turnstile blocking the only exit lane at a stop. Kicked the back of my chair from King Street to Gallery Place (about 9 stops) in spite of increasingly less polite requests that he refrain from doing so.
4) Be aware that the people around you speak English. Yes, the black population of Nebraska is negligible. The time to comment about how many black people there are in DC is in the privacy of your hotel room. Doing it on a Metro platform is, in the Terry Pratchett sense, a form of suicide. Points are deducted for being surprised that many of them are well dressed and seem to hold white collar jobs.
5) Washington in the summer is hot and humid. Being underground does not decrease either the heat or the humidity. We know the platforms aren't air conditioned. They're also not heated in the winter. Commenting on it helps no one.
6) There is no "Smithsonian Museum" in the sense of a single building. The Smithsonian is a huge complex incorporating ten buildings on the mall plus four museums in other parts of Washington and a branch of the Air and Space museum near Dulles airport. Those are just the parts close by. When you ask us, "Where's the Smithsonian Museum?" we'll probably ask you which one. Some of us are nice and will start to list branches when you look blank. But at some point, you should pick one. Don't try to get a consensus from your three kids and grandma while you're asking for directions. Pick a branch, get the directions, and hash it out later.
7) Don't stop dead in front of the exit turnstiles and wonder if this is where you want to be. Get out of the way to have your existential crisis.
Have a great vacation,
Fabi
