Prayer at the Office

[fabrisse]

In the five weeks I've been working here, I have attended three farewell lunches. All of them have a public grace said -- at today's we held hands -- and one of the men gives the prayer.

Ten years ago, I might have thought this a nice thing with a few concerns for my atheist and other friends. Five years ago, I would be weighing more heavily on the concerns side. Today, I am the atheist, and this is a real "the hell?" for me.

Culturally, I understand it. The prayer, which is the exact same grace my father gives before meals, is a traditional one in this region. I think it's Baptist, but it's not aggressively so.

For those of you who want to know the words are:
"Oh, Lord, we thank you for the food which you have set before us
***
We ask you to bless it to the nourishment of our bodies.
We ask these things in (Christ's/Your) name. Amen."

The asterisks are for the improvised part about the particular meal that has been set before us. In the case of the farewell lunches, thanks are given for the opportunity to work with this person and a prayer for the person's future safety, health, and happiness is included.

Part of me is comforted. These are words from my childhood and a moment of thinking about the meal prepared and "the nourishment of our bodies" is, from my cook's perspective, not a bad thing.

But I can't be the only non-Christian in a government office. If three out of five kids I mentor are Muslim, then I have to think we have a few working for the District. One of the highers up is Jewish. Yet, this, along with prayers taped to desks is a huge part of my office's culture.

I just needed to say.

Comments

[aurora-novarum.livejournal.com]

No idea what to tell you about the meal blessing.

However...yay! Five weeks working! Wow, time's gone so fast!

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

I know. Working is good.

[tpau]

for me... that would be a hostile work environment... and HR would certainly hear about it at length

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

Yes. I'm sort of atheist/Buddhist. I wouldn't dare bring in the tiny Ganesha and Kuan Yin figures that I usually keep on my desk (out of the way of others) in this office.

[eanja]

I don't really have a problem w/ people having prayers on their desk, provided they are somewhere meant primarily for the person occupying the desk to see, and not taped out front for visitors with their back to the worker or something. I figure that's close enough to personal space that you can have something you find personally motivating or comforting.

But it's very bizarre to me that a group prayer in a government work place wouldn't be non-denominational. Even that's a bit iffy, but invoking Christ specifically seems really inappropriate.

I've always figured people can perfectly well say grace privately and silently if they want. Doing it out loud should really be reserved for venues where you have some good reason to expect everyone else to be the same religion as you.

[sunspiral.livejournal.com]

That's saying it far more politely than I would have. This is completely inappropriate and actually tips over into offensive. Tell me that if I walked out of the room when they did their prayer, that it wouldn't affect my job evaluation?

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

I genuinely don't know.

That's the thing. Culturally, this is so much part of my background that I can fit in without thinking about it. But this is also my first real instance of North/South culture shock. (I used to have South/North culture shock fairly frequently in Boston.)

There's a huge part of me that keeps thinking "This is wrong." One thing that really stands out: my office is a gynocracy. All the powerful positions are filled by women, but the women in charge always ask a man to give the prayer. The sexism actually hit me before the WTF of having a prayer in A GOVERNMENT OFFICE.

The very fact that I wonder if speaking up or out about this would mean my job might disappear at the end of the year tells me there's something wrong.

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

Private prayer would definitely be the better way to go.

There are a couple of posters in offices that skirt close to the line on religion. They have quotations from the Bible, but they aren't specifically Christian.

I wonder how they'd feel if I had the Song of Solomon on my wall -- preferably with graphic illustrations. *G*

[eanja]

Well, I think I'd have to think that graphic illustrations wouldn't office appropriate (it's easier to not read text than not see pictures, IMO). But hey, why not hang up the Song of Solomon? If anyone objects, just look confused and say that it's from the bible, and it's so romantic...

Is there anywhere anonymous you can make suggestions? Otherwise, I think you're right that bringing it up might not be the smartest thing, especially having just started- it's way too early to start pegging yourself at that person who just doesn't fit in.

Your comment above about the man leading the prayers is even more disturbing- I think I agree with you that this would bother me more. But again, I suspect that if you pointed it out, you'd just get looked at funny.

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

Anonymous, no. Depending on how things go, I may try to take this up with my supervisor a bit later.

[riverfox.livejournal.com]

I find this disturbing. Sure, they have a right to express their religious beliefs, but imo, not at work--and definitely not in a Government office. Because they've turned it into a majority ritual at work, it names everyone who isn't Christian as an outsider, automatically creating an Us vs Them mentality. This isn't just wrong, it's dangerous, especially given the radical climate.

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

I think I'm really the only non-Christian and since I'm culturally comfortable with it -- thanks to my Baptist minister grandfather and years of giving obligatory thanks -- the Us vs Them isn't present.

Yet.

Because the second they get a Muslim (most likely), Jewish (next most likely), or unculturally comfortable atheist, the mentality could appear.

[eanja]

Do you think they'd still do it if they had an obviously known non-Christian around, or would they naturally maybe go to something a bit more non-denominational. That's not a solution, since people aren't obliged to announce their beliefs, but it speaks to intention a lot.

One of the things I've noticed during my brief visits to the south is that people who don't know you tend to assume that you are just like them (in terms of religion, politics, values, etc) in a way that just isn't possible in the north among the general public (though it still happens in smaller groups/neighborhoods, as far as I can tell). It's long not been a good assumption in any urban area, I imagine, but will probably take a long time to get away from.

[riverfox.livejournal.com]

Yet. But the mere fact that you really wouldn't be allowed to express your belief system without the hammer coming down on you is what bothers me greatly.

Goddess forbid they get a Pagan in there. They'd go from Baptist to Holy Roller Fanatic in about 5 seconds.

[aizjanika.livejournal.com]

Wow. I would not like this at all, and, I confess, I would not participate. *g* I've been in similar situations many times at various functions and I just sit still and don't say anything, but don't bend my head in prayer either. It bugged me when they played Christian music at Curves, though I later read up on them and apparently they are a Christian business.

I'm even more disturbed that this is occurring in a government office.

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

For me the bowing my head in prayer is reflexive. This really is playing into the culture I was brought up in.

But yes, the whole government office thing is wrong. I need to figure out the right way to handle it and still navigate my work relationships ... plus keeping my job would be a nice thing.

[aizjanika.livejournal.com]

I was brought up in that culture, too. We said grace before every meal (at least until I was a teen). I made a conscious choice not to do that anymore, mainly because of the culture I was living in as I raised my children. It wasn't easy to be a non-Christian homeschooler no matter where we lived. Even in secular groups, there were always some Christians who just assumed everyone else was Christian. I never made a big deal about it, because mostly it wasn't necessary, but if someone decided to lead us in any type of prayer, I would not bow my head or participate in any way.

I live in the South now, too, but most of the people I know (homeschoolers) are not Christian. In our teen group, a few of the families were pagan, a few were somewhat agnostic and/or just not religious, and we were the atheist family. There were a few Christian families, but it was a secular group and there was no question about there being prayer at the meetings or anything like that (it wasn't allowed/tolerated). Everyone was open-minded as far as I could tell. (I'm not really in contact with any of them anymore, but I don't really know anyone else either. *g*)

Keeping the job and keeping things friendly would be nice. :-) I'm not sure how I'd handle it, but it's pretty sad that you even have to think about possibly losing your job because you don't want to participate in religious rituals.