(no subject)

[fabrisse]

It is kind and polite to offer one's seat on public transportation to someone who's older, more injured, or more pregnant than you are. It's a truism of polite society, and should be practiced by all of us.

However, when the blind lady doesn't want your seat, it's impolite to insist. As a matter of fact, if you are in a situation where you think someone needs help, ask them.

This is coming up because a friend of mine, whom I'll call Emma for this journal -- those of you who are local will know whom I mean and the rest have a name to hang a story on, came into work today pretty upset. Please understand, Emma's not some frail little flower. She's tall and large. Someone decided that she needed to sit on the T. They didn't ask her. They came up behind her, put their hands on both her shoulders and tried to propel her to a free seat.

Emma screamed bloody murder, as well she should, and heard the age old mantra, "But I was only trying to help."

Think about it. If it could be booked as assault if you did it to a sighted person, why the hell would you think that it's acceptable to do it to someone who can't see you coming?!?

Seriously, if someone came up to me on the T, from behind, and tried to propel me anywhere half the men on the train would be in that person's face wondering why he was manhandling me. Of course, the rest would turn the page in their book and wonder why it suddenly got harder to concentrate, but that's Boston.

I've been hearing these rants from Emma for awhile and have even been privileged to give a few thoughtless people a head's up in various public situations where she's been grabbed by the elbow (First of all, if someone needs that kind of guidance, they take your arm.) or worse. It's coming closer to home because my father, who doesn't like to be touched, is going blind.

Dad's over 70, but he's a Baptist minister's son. Strangers are not supposed to touch. More than that, he's a college professor and has had it drummed into him that many people could bring lawsuits if he so much as patted them on the back. Lastly, he's a former military officer with Ranger training. I pity the first person who tries to grab him from behind without warning.

So, please, be nice. Offer your seat politely. Ask if someone needs help. And if they say no, accept it politely. Think before touching someone who can't see you coming. Remember, if it's assault on a "normal" person, it's assault on the person you're trying to help, too.

Comments

[alexx-kay.livejournal.com]

kestrell also has this problem, in spades.

Curiously, one day recently, as I was walking home from the T, a passerby stopped me to ask if I was supposed to be meeting "the blind woman at the T". Presumably, he had seen me pick up Kes some time previously. OTOH, there's a good chance that the woman he had just seen in the station was "Emma", who, aside from being blind and female, bears no significant resemblance to Kes. Apparently, he had tried to "help" this woman, and gotten screamed at. I did my best to explain that blind people really hate to be grabbed without being asked. I'm not sure he really got the point, though. He mostly seemed to be looking for an apology since he "was only tryin' ta help"...

[kstanley.livejournal.com]

Yeah I agree. Of course I find myself in this situation all the time. Believe me, if someone wants my seat, they will take it immediately when I offer it. If not, I am not going to insist.

But there was a situation recently where I did insist on helping someone. I was coming home on the train fairly late on a weeknight (11pm Thursday) and I saw a youngish woman who was very drunk. She was so drunk that she vomited right on the train. Everyone moved away from her immediately. That kind of pissed me off, because here was this young girl who obviously needed help. I asked her where she was getting off and I told her I was going to walk her to her house. I knew it was weird, but I've been this drunk girl before and I just didn't think it was a good idea to let her go into the wilds of Brooklyn alone. She said repeatedly that she didn't want me to escort her, but I insisted.

I do try to respect people's wishes, but in that particular case, I sized up the situation (young girl, very drunk, late at night) and pressed on and I don't regret it. It seemed like the right thing to do.

[siderea]

Amen.

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

So few seem to understand it. If I walked up to a random sighted person and did what Emma reported had happened to her, I'd be in jail now. Why can't people see it? Pun not intended.

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

It probably was. But you obviously used your judgment, and I think some people just don't have any.

Sorry, I'm getting really cynical about this.

[kstanley.livejournal.com]

Well I remember not to manhandle or get bossy with you the next time we meet!

[fabrisse.livejournal.com]

I'll say yes to a hug. *g*

Off Topic, Sort Of

[pamelina.livejournal.com]

I think I got a phone call from you last weekend, and I'd be delighted to help you videotape something in my kitchen in exchange for food, or just friendly conversation. I don't have your phone number, and I can't find your email address, either, hence: this post. (sorry everybody--nothing to see here.)