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Mar. 25th, 2004 03:48 pmI had a Tarot reading this weekend. And I've been talking to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
siderea again -- well, actually, that was nearly two weeks ago. Anyway, both of them asked me about my dreams. To be specific: I don't mean "those things that show like movies in your psyche when you're asleep," I mean the "What do you want to be?" kind.
( Blathering about nightmares )
But still, dreams in the second sense...
I've become what my mother accused me of being seven years ago: a fat, middle-aged failure. The up side to that is two of those can be turned around and middle-aged is much better than the alternative.
At the play on Saturday, someone from the local community went out of her way to say that I had a resonant voice and a good stage presence. Considering that I had a sum total of twenty lines, five of which eluded me, that's quite a compliment.
The person who did my tarot reading kept telling me to pay attention to my night-time dreams because I might find hints as to the right path for me to have the fulfillment the rest of the reading promised me.
I'm going to have to find another way to communicate with my subconscious. I know that I don't want to stay in Boston. I know that I want to find the parts of my younger self that I've missed.
As silly as it sounds, I'm taking pride in the fact that I haven't left the house in the past three weeks without wearing earrings and lipstick as a sign that I'm beginning to reconnect with my better self. Six months ago, I found my old glasses. I put them on and sighed with relief because I didn't have to move my head to see all around me. I'm not eating sugar (well, not deliberately, I'm still getting hidden sugar. That's the next thing for me to work on.).
I'd forgotten what hope feels like. Worse, I've forgotten who I'm meant to be. I think I can find it.
It's a dull grey day here today. I looked out the window and thought I saw snow out of the corner of my eye. When I turned my head, I laughed. I realized that one tree had put out one branch of delicate white blossoms. Spring is coming. I think I might be able to run and meet it.
siderea again -- well, actually, that was nearly two weeks ago. Anyway, both of them asked me about my dreams. To be specific: I don't mean "those things that show like movies in your psyche when you're asleep," I mean the "What do you want to be?" kind.( Blathering about nightmares )
But still, dreams in the second sense...
I've become what my mother accused me of being seven years ago: a fat, middle-aged failure. The up side to that is two of those can be turned around and middle-aged is much better than the alternative.
At the play on Saturday, someone from the local community went out of her way to say that I had a resonant voice and a good stage presence. Considering that I had a sum total of twenty lines, five of which eluded me, that's quite a compliment.
The person who did my tarot reading kept telling me to pay attention to my night-time dreams because I might find hints as to the right path for me to have the fulfillment the rest of the reading promised me.
I'm going to have to find another way to communicate with my subconscious. I know that I don't want to stay in Boston. I know that I want to find the parts of my younger self that I've missed.
As silly as it sounds, I'm taking pride in the fact that I haven't left the house in the past three weeks without wearing earrings and lipstick as a sign that I'm beginning to reconnect with my better self. Six months ago, I found my old glasses. I put them on and sighed with relief because I didn't have to move my head to see all around me. I'm not eating sugar (well, not deliberately, I'm still getting hidden sugar. That's the next thing for me to work on.).
I'd forgotten what hope feels like. Worse, I've forgotten who I'm meant to be. I think I can find it.
It's a dull grey day here today. I looked out the window and thought I saw snow out of the corner of my eye. When I turned my head, I laughed. I realized that one tree had put out one branch of delicate white blossoms. Spring is coming. I think I might be able to run and meet it.
