![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Boarding School Stories
All right, this isn't something I talk about a great deal, but I am a survivor of two years at boarding school. For those of you who know my stories about my mom, I want to say that when I received the phone call that the family would be moving to Brussels instead of Jakarta, Mom gave me the choice as to whether to stay in my school or come with them to Europe. (For the record, when the move was to Jakarta, I had asked to stay at school and visit during summer break. My parents agreed even though, at that point, I was already learning Indonesian.) I chose Brussels, and I would not be the same person if I had not.
But.
Years ago there was a meme going around where we asked our lj friends to say one thing they really thought was unique/good about ourselves. A person whom I respect a great deal surprised me by saying my class confidence. My two years at this school, which were both a species of hell AND a wonderful voyage of self-discovery, are a huge part of what lets me project that.
For those of you who are wondering, this is coming up now because last night's episode of Glee had several scenes at a new private school which is at least implied (Kurt hadn't seen or spoken to Finn in several days) to be a boarding school. I find myself in a minority about the attitude of the Dalton Academy students toward Kurt. Unlike most, I found them to be extremely kind, very believable, and completely accurate for their class.
Rules are explicit at boarding schools. This may sound like a no-brainer, but how many people, as either the parent or the child in the relationship, have found that what they thought was a "house rule" was really only a house expectation which had never been fully stated?
At school, we knew our lights out time, which was different by grade, what time the hall was locked, what infractions were honor code related and thus more serious, what circumstances we could request an honor council hearing for an infraction, what our curfew was on weekends, and how punishment would work.
A penalty slip could be given by any staff member to any student for an infraction. Dog ate your homework? Penalty slip. Late to the dorm after study hall? Penalty slip. Five penalty slips equalled a detention. Detentions were from 8 a.m. to noon on Saturday mornings. If you were on a sports team and had a detention, there was an excellent chance you'd miss a game. Our athletes were amazingly careful. Three detentions in a trimester equalled an automatic suspension (there were a couple of exceptions). There was no such thing as more than one suspension in a school year. The second time you made it to suspension level, you were either exonerated or expelled.
The honor code was strict and it was reinforced. Most homework could get the simple form of the honor pledge on it: "I have neither given nor received help on this work." If it was a group project, the multiple names would show that we had worked together (i.e. no help from another team) and on other assignments we could just state, "In discussion of this book with SuzyQ, the theme of ... " to show where we had done some form of group study. If a teacher told us, no discussion, we didn't discuss. Tutoring was permitted in math and science, but, again, we were expected to do our own work and to indicate where our tutor might have helped us.
The long form of the honor code went on major papers, exams, and most tests. "I have neither given nor received help on this work, nor am I aware of any breach in the honor code."
The honor code stated that no student would lie, cheat, or steal and would report any incident they saw of another student lying, cheating, or stealing. Plagiarism was right out. Something as simple as lighting a cigarette without parental permission (again, proving my parents were good people, I found out years later that I'd had smoking permission at school. They thought I might try it, and if I did, they didn't want me to get in trouble.), was considered lying and could get you a detention or called before the honor council.
Lying was sneaking out of your room after curfew or letting a boy on the halls. One student my second year was expelled from school three weeks before her graduation because she snuck out of the dorm. Her candid picture in the yearbook showed her climbing out her window. Chaplain and the Headmaster staked it out the weekend after the yearbook was published, caught her, and expelled her.
I took the honor code seriously. Some didn't. When I found out my 14 year old roommates had vodka in the room, I gave them an hour to get rid of it or I would report them. I told them flat out that I would turn them in if I caught them with any contraband. On the other hand, when one of them came in so drunk she was staggering backwards five minutes before curfew on a Saturday night, I helped her sign in and got her past the house counselors and up three flights to our hall. I disliked her (and the feeling was pretty mutual). But what she did off campus was none of my business and, as her roommate, I felt I had a duty to protect her at least somewhat from her own stupidity.
On my roommates' (yes, I had two) side, they learned to tell me the absolute truth. I would handle an issue if it came up. For example, roommate whom I didn't dislike (but also didn't love, really) had met a boy from another school and while they were walking on the quad had pointed out her dorm room window. He climbed the big magnolia tree and tried to come in. Because of the bed placement, he could see me, but not her and I told him to climb back down he wasn't welcome. When he kept trying to come into the room I finally told him to go down the portico two windows and knock there. It was the house counselor's room. He finally climbed back down the magnolia tree into the waiting arms of our chaplain and headmaster. He was expelled from his school for violating their honor code. He also gave my name, since I had told him who I was and that I would not permit him in MY room, and swore about my being a bitch for not letting him come in and find the girl he wanted. The chaplain assured me privately that they had never for one moment considered convening the honor council because I had done the right thing in telling him to leave.
I recently wrote a Kurt/Blaine story that had some major punishments. The incident which caused it was, in the story, pretty honorable. Here's the story it was based on.
My roommates and their boyfriends wanted to have sex. They also wanted to have time to enjoy it and not just the hurried gropings, etc. that curfews caused. So, they concocted an elaborate plan that involved a day student forging her mother's signature on a weekend invitation, the roommates lying to their parents to get permission to accept the bogus weekend invitation, and the boys lying to their school in reference to their whereabouts.
Now, if you were they, wouldn't you have picked a motel that wasn't three blocks from the school for this weekend tryst? Not only did they go to a motel close to the school, they checked in right after school on Friday. It almost makes me believe in a God that they got out of the car to check in just as the Chaplain was driving home from getting groceries. He stopped the shenanigans, and pulled the girls back to the school.
They were given three choices: Expulsion with no explanation to their parents; Suspension for the remainder of the school year (ten weeks) and the school would tell their parents exactly why they were suspended; confinement to the hall for three weeks with no television privileges, confinement to campus and detention every Saturday for the rest of the school year, and they could tell their parents themselves what they did in front of a witness.
Neither of them could withstand the suspension academically. They were smart enough to know that they weren't smart enough to pass their exams in September if they missed their classes. They chose option three. The house counselor was supposed to be the witness, but they just couldn't do it in front of her. I witnessed. I stood outside the phone booth -- the counselor had cleared the common room so no one else needed to hear -- and held their hands as they told their parents what they'd done and what punishment they had accepted for it. I swear, my shoulders are still soggy from their tears.
If anyone is interested in some of my more enjoyable memories, let me know, and I may do a few more. I'm putting a Dalton tag on this and will on any future boarding school posts.
But.
Years ago there was a meme going around where we asked our lj friends to say one thing they really thought was unique/good about ourselves. A person whom I respect a great deal surprised me by saying my class confidence. My two years at this school, which were both a species of hell AND a wonderful voyage of self-discovery, are a huge part of what lets me project that.
For those of you who are wondering, this is coming up now because last night's episode of Glee had several scenes at a new private school which is at least implied (Kurt hadn't seen or spoken to Finn in several days) to be a boarding school. I find myself in a minority about the attitude of the Dalton Academy students toward Kurt. Unlike most, I found them to be extremely kind, very believable, and completely accurate for their class.
Rules are explicit at boarding schools. This may sound like a no-brainer, but how many people, as either the parent or the child in the relationship, have found that what they thought was a "house rule" was really only a house expectation which had never been fully stated?
At school, we knew our lights out time, which was different by grade, what time the hall was locked, what infractions were honor code related and thus more serious, what circumstances we could request an honor council hearing for an infraction, what our curfew was on weekends, and how punishment would work.
A penalty slip could be given by any staff member to any student for an infraction. Dog ate your homework? Penalty slip. Late to the dorm after study hall? Penalty slip. Five penalty slips equalled a detention. Detentions were from 8 a.m. to noon on Saturday mornings. If you were on a sports team and had a detention, there was an excellent chance you'd miss a game. Our athletes were amazingly careful. Three detentions in a trimester equalled an automatic suspension (there were a couple of exceptions). There was no such thing as more than one suspension in a school year. The second time you made it to suspension level, you were either exonerated or expelled.
The honor code was strict and it was reinforced. Most homework could get the simple form of the honor pledge on it: "I have neither given nor received help on this work." If it was a group project, the multiple names would show that we had worked together (i.e. no help from another team) and on other assignments we could just state, "In discussion of this book with SuzyQ, the theme of ... " to show where we had done some form of group study. If a teacher told us, no discussion, we didn't discuss. Tutoring was permitted in math and science, but, again, we were expected to do our own work and to indicate where our tutor might have helped us.
The long form of the honor code went on major papers, exams, and most tests. "I have neither given nor received help on this work, nor am I aware of any breach in the honor code."
The honor code stated that no student would lie, cheat, or steal and would report any incident they saw of another student lying, cheating, or stealing. Plagiarism was right out. Something as simple as lighting a cigarette without parental permission (again, proving my parents were good people, I found out years later that I'd had smoking permission at school. They thought I might try it, and if I did, they didn't want me to get in trouble.), was considered lying and could get you a detention or called before the honor council.
Lying was sneaking out of your room after curfew or letting a boy on the halls. One student my second year was expelled from school three weeks before her graduation because she snuck out of the dorm. Her candid picture in the yearbook showed her climbing out her window. Chaplain and the Headmaster staked it out the weekend after the yearbook was published, caught her, and expelled her.
I took the honor code seriously. Some didn't. When I found out my 14 year old roommates had vodka in the room, I gave them an hour to get rid of it or I would report them. I told them flat out that I would turn them in if I caught them with any contraband. On the other hand, when one of them came in so drunk she was staggering backwards five minutes before curfew on a Saturday night, I helped her sign in and got her past the house counselors and up three flights to our hall. I disliked her (and the feeling was pretty mutual). But what she did off campus was none of my business and, as her roommate, I felt I had a duty to protect her at least somewhat from her own stupidity.
On my roommates' (yes, I had two) side, they learned to tell me the absolute truth. I would handle an issue if it came up. For example, roommate whom I didn't dislike (but also didn't love, really) had met a boy from another school and while they were walking on the quad had pointed out her dorm room window. He climbed the big magnolia tree and tried to come in. Because of the bed placement, he could see me, but not her and I told him to climb back down he wasn't welcome. When he kept trying to come into the room I finally told him to go down the portico two windows and knock there. It was the house counselor's room. He finally climbed back down the magnolia tree into the waiting arms of our chaplain and headmaster. He was expelled from his school for violating their honor code. He also gave my name, since I had told him who I was and that I would not permit him in MY room, and swore about my being a bitch for not letting him come in and find the girl he wanted. The chaplain assured me privately that they had never for one moment considered convening the honor council because I had done the right thing in telling him to leave.
I recently wrote a Kurt/Blaine story that had some major punishments. The incident which caused it was, in the story, pretty honorable. Here's the story it was based on.
My roommates and their boyfriends wanted to have sex. They also wanted to have time to enjoy it and not just the hurried gropings, etc. that curfews caused. So, they concocted an elaborate plan that involved a day student forging her mother's signature on a weekend invitation, the roommates lying to their parents to get permission to accept the bogus weekend invitation, and the boys lying to their school in reference to their whereabouts.
Now, if you were they, wouldn't you have picked a motel that wasn't three blocks from the school for this weekend tryst? Not only did they go to a motel close to the school, they checked in right after school on Friday. It almost makes me believe in a God that they got out of the car to check in just as the Chaplain was driving home from getting groceries. He stopped the shenanigans, and pulled the girls back to the school.
They were given three choices: Expulsion with no explanation to their parents; Suspension for the remainder of the school year (ten weeks) and the school would tell their parents exactly why they were suspended; confinement to the hall for three weeks with no television privileges, confinement to campus and detention every Saturday for the rest of the school year, and they could tell their parents themselves what they did in front of a witness.
Neither of them could withstand the suspension academically. They were smart enough to know that they weren't smart enough to pass their exams in September if they missed their classes. They chose option three. The house counselor was supposed to be the witness, but they just couldn't do it in front of her. I witnessed. I stood outside the phone booth -- the counselor had cleared the common room so no one else needed to hear -- and held their hands as they told their parents what they'd done and what punishment they had accepted for it. I swear, my shoulders are still soggy from their tears.
If anyone is interested in some of my more enjoyable memories, let me know, and I may do a few more. I'm putting a Dalton tag on this and will on any future boarding school posts.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
Obviously, my experiences were different from yours, but I saw some familiar elements as well. Of course, the 2 biggest differences were probably that my school was co-Ed, and that it had grades k-12 (250 students in the whole school. It was pretty small.). I'd love to hear more about your school and how it differed from mine.
no subject
We also had K-12, but the boarding grades were just 9-12. As far as I know, there were no rules against homosexuality, but I didn't really explore my bi-ness until a little later in life -- although I did have a crush on one of the girls in my French class.
no subject
Those of us who have come out as anything other the happily straight have been cut off from most of our former classmates, due to prejudice.
Actually, if you wanted a good example of my school, the best representation would be the film Saved! with Macauley Culkin.
no subject
I'd love to see more of these kinds of posts, you've answered a ton of the questions that I had in order to begin writing my story.
no subject
Not all of my schoolmates obeyed the rules, see the "sex with boyfriends" story above, but I think it seeps in.
no subject
Thanks for writing this!
no subject
no subject
And, yes, mine was an international school run like a British public school, so there are probably big differences there.
no subject
no subject
Of course, I then went to be completely boring in high school, but that's irrelevant. And this all was just to say that your stories are really interesting!
no subject
I'm also convinced that either I or my mother would still be in prison for killing the other if we'd had to go through the worst of my adolescence together.
We did have a brother school. And one reason to be an "artsy" girl was to work with the BOYS!
no subject
To bring it back to fandom, it's really cool to have an insider's look on how things could be realistically handled at Dalton.
no subject
There are people who truly throve in that environment. I wasn't one of them, but it was to my mind better than any alternative I had at the time. I know it did me good. I also know that I don't share many people's opinion of last night's episode... *G*
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
This is absolutely fascinating, and it will inform my Glee watching, which I appreciate. Most of all, thanks for telling and sharing more of your story, who you are and the journey that brought you to be the person you are now. That's a gift, and I value it.
Also: I suspect that I would have done well, ultimately, in an environment like this. It would have been something of a shock initially, but once I settled in, I suspect I would have blossomed (in ways that I most certainly did not, during my high school years).
no subject
By the end of sophomore year, I was doing well in the environment. I think I made the right choice by going to Belgium, but I occasionally wonder about the road not taken by remaining a boarder.