fabrisse: (FringeBrownBettyOlivia)
[personal profile] fabrisse
We all have that one friend. The problem with this week's topic is which one friend do we need to discuss. There's the one who only talks about what she's interested in, no matter what the prior topic had been or the one who only ever gossips.

In my life there's Elle, who, to use a cliche, will be late to her own funeral. The only time I ever got furious with her was when, for once in her life, she was on time, and left before I arrived, ten minutes late. The next time I saw her I reminded her of 2 hour waits in the rain or cold on my part, just knowing that she was on her way, but, once again, late. (The one real advantage I can see to cell phones is that Elle can now let me know, often before I've left the house, how late she foresees being. She's usually at least 15 minutes later than that, but at least I know I can leave later or bring a longer book to read while waiting.) Elle is also unique among my friends in that I have never, not even when sharing a hotel room with her, seen her with her make-up off.

But what of me? How many times have I been that one friend who wails my lamentations in someone's ear before asking how s/he's doing or what's happening in their lives? How many moments of selfishness have I had within friendship without even realizing that I had something for which to apologize?

That then led me to that one friend in a positive way. That one friend who said I could stay with her for a couple of weeks and let me stay for a couple of years. Or Elle, again, who volunteered to look after me after foot surgery before I could even ask. The friend who made certain I was all right after my concussion and went with me to urgent care was another "that one friend." All the friends in many cities, who have helped me clean when my depression has decompensated my apartment into a mess that needs a shovel to get from the door to the bedroom, are "one friends" and godsends.

And in that aspect, what can I take pride in as a friend? In high school, I saw the movie Auntie Mame with my best friend at the time. After it was over, she turned to me and said, "You're my Auntie Mame." Five years ago, at a high school reunion (different high school), someone came up to me and said, "I should have appreciated you more. You were the only one of us out having adventures." He then thanked me for introducing him to the operettas of Gilbert and Sullivan, a lifelong love that he was looking forward to sharing with his son.

I don't know that there's much I do right in this world. I try, but as Hamlet says, "I could accuse me of such things that it were better my mother had not borne me." I think I'm sometimes -- I hope not often -- a terrible friend. But I have adventures and I do my best to share them and share my love for testing limits.

Maybe I'm not the best person in the world, but at least I've been someone's Auntie Mame.

eta: a missing comma and a missing word
eta2 (12/8/2016 3:00 EST): I just got off the phone with the friend I'm calling Elle. Her husband went in for routine surgery yesterday and, in her words, "I'm probably going to walk out of this hospital a widow." Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

Date: 2016-12-04 10:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] matildalucet.livejournal.com
You inspired me to crawl under a table in a city and country where I did not speak the language, to take photos of how it was built. Hoping against hope that nobody would come in and try to ask what I was doing. I still smile and shake my head when I run across those pictures.

Date: 2016-12-05 01:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fabrisse.livejournal.com
Oh dear! Was that because of the Beguinage photos from Brugge?

Date: 2016-12-05 02:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] matildalucet.livejournal.com
Yup! Fun times. And a handsome table. :-)

Date: 2016-12-06 09:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] halfshellvenus.livejournal.com
It's good to have friends that will come through in a pinch, and that makes up for so much. I'm glad yours were there.

Lovely Olivia icon. :)

Date: 2016-12-06 10:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fabrisse.livejournal.com
Olivia looked so good in Brown Betty.

I know I've been lucky in my friends.

Date: 2016-12-07 04:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elainasaunt.livejournal.com
As one of your newer friends and a fellow G&S buff, I love this post.

Date: 2016-12-08 08:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fabrisse.livejournal.com
I think meeting you in person back in February was one of the high points of my year. *hugs*

Date: 2016-12-08 09:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elainasaunt.livejournal.com
*hugs you back*

Date: 2016-12-07 04:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dmousey.livejournal.com
You must be, at least, a decent friend. Or the friends you have wouldn't care as much or be there for you. A good blessing to have. Hug and peace~~~D
Edited Date: 2016-12-07 04:51 pm (UTC)

Date: 2016-12-08 08:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fabrisse.livejournal.com
There's no greater blessing than friends. :-)

Date: 2016-12-07 10:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] karmasoup.livejournal.com
Love the introspection here. It's good to consider all angles, and you've done a good job with that.

Date: 2016-12-08 08:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fabrisse.livejournal.com
I'm glad you think so.

Date: 2016-12-08 03:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bewize.livejournal.com
This was lovely.

Date: 2016-12-08 08:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fabrisse.livejournal.com
Thank you.

Date: 2016-12-08 10:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] murielle.livejournal.com
You know what I love about this? That after expressing frustration over the actions of your friend(s) you turned to yourself and examined your own faults. I find this so very rare in today's world.

Kudos for a great entry, and for the honesty and self-reflection.

Date: 2016-12-08 08:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fabrisse.livejournal.com
A little more introspection might make the world a better place. Thank you for the comment and the compliment.

Date: 2016-12-08 01:06 pm (UTC)

Date: 2016-12-08 08:55 pm (UTC)

Date: 2016-12-08 01:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eternal-ot.livejournal.com
A nice take on the topic. I liked the fact that you introspected your role in your friend's life as well.

Date: 2016-12-08 08:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fabrisse.livejournal.com
And now, I get to try to be the best friend that I can.

Date: 2016-12-08 02:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com
What an awesome thing, to be someone's Auntie Mame!!

Date: 2016-12-08 08:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fabrisse.livejournal.com
I don't think I've ever had a better compliment than that one.

Date: 2016-12-08 08:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] penpusher.livejournal.com
Great how you turned this into a self-examination exercise as a part of it, since we so frequently assess what other people do to/for us and less likely think about ourselves in those terms to others.

So, how are you at coaxing the blues right out of the horn?

Date: 2016-12-08 08:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fabrisse.livejournal.com
I don't know about coaxing the blues right out of the horn, but I think I open a new window or new door. And that we need a little Christmas.
Edited Date: 2016-12-08 08:59 pm (UTC)

Date: 2016-12-08 09:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mamas-minion.livejournal.com
It is very good that have close enough friends that will take care of you things are hard. SO you must be a good friend as well for them to do that. Thank you for sharing a little peek into your life.

Date: 2016-12-09 02:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fabrisse.livejournal.com
I hope you're right about the reciprocity. It's been good to have the chance to share.

Date: 2016-12-09 12:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bleodswean.livejournal.com
Such an upbeat attitude! In spite of or despite tardiness! I get that frustration!!! And yes, those late folks are definitely "that one friend". Keeping your friend and her husband in my thoughts.

Date: 2016-12-09 02:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fabrisse.livejournal.com
Thank you for your good thoughts. I just spoke to her and I know it's appreciated.


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